Rainbow Flags

I originally posted this note on Facebook, but decided it belongs here as well.

"Categorizing someone's relationship based on its sexual aspects would be offensive to anyone. So why do we rail against homosexual relationships based on their sexual practices? What if they don't even have sex?!

I know this is going to sound silly, but I was watching Lord of the Rings recently, and I couldn't help but ponder what many have said - that Frodo and Sam are "gay." Frodo and Sam obviously cared for one another. They wept with and supported one another throughout all three of the movies, and came very close to death, lying together, at the end. Is this love so hard for our label-fanatic society to handle? They seemed to love one another, but, obviously, Sam married Rosie. Sam was, perhaps, not sexually attracted to Frodo. I've read (simply by chance, I certainly didn't go looking for it) a lot of articles/webpages, etc., by people who are vehemently anti-gay everything, from gay rights to gay relationships. These people wish death upon everyone in this world who would support or condone the actions of homosexuals, to the point of celebrating horrible suicides, like that at Rutgers. To be fair, a lot of these people are in a hateful minority. But their opinions are still bitterly evident in the feelings held by many in this country.

What is so terrifying about love like the kind Sam and Frodo held for one another? For it is fear, and not righteous indignation, that drives such hatred of homosexuality. What if they were gay? What if Sam had never talked about being with Rosie, and had simply stayed with Frodo? Would we turn away from the story in disgust? If we did, what would we be disgusted at? Certainly not the loving, caring, deep emotional bond Frodo and Sam shared. No. We would be shying away from the fact that Frodo and Sam might have had sex.


In my opinion, that is a huge problem. You cannot deny someone a loving relationship because the idea of them having sex makes you feel uncomfortable! I know this argument has been made before, but I just can't stop thinking about how ludicrous it is, and so I had to write about it. The Gay Rights/Pride movement does a lot of things wrong. Too often, they use sexual imagery to show that they are "free" and "proud." When I went to a gay pride parade a few months ago, many of the featured booths, events, and acts centered on sex, from having safe sex, to sexual objects in general, to having burlesque dancers strip in front of giant audiences. I'm sorry, but that sort of imagery does not make me respect your movement. And it's certainly not going to change the opinions of many who oppose that movement. In fact, it firmly establishes in the minds of many who oppose the movement that the only thing that gay people do is have sex! Wild, crazy sex, all the time, anywhere, with anyone, or anything. That's awful, and I know it isn't true. The real tragedy is that many gay youth, having no where else to turn, and no other image to look up to, make this overly sexualized persona their icon. These kids go out into the world looking for someone to love, and instead, finding only unsubstantial relationships that leave them feeling hollow, because they never learned that gay relationships and straight relationships involve the same things. This is the kicker. Sexuality may lie on a spectrum, but loving someone, finding worth, and partnership, respect and strength in someone else - those things do not have a gender, or a home in a certain type of relationship!

There's so much shame built up around homosexuality. There's shame surrounding talking about it, or supporting it openly. There's shame about knowing someone who is homosexual, or embracing and allowing people to come out about their sexuality. I don't claim to have any answers. Many who say they are gay may not be, and many who insist they are not, may be. I will say this - if I want to talk about homosexuality, I will. But I will not shove it in your face, just like I won't with my religion. I won't say shocking things to you in order to make you "see the error of your ways," just like I won't with my faith. I'm not going to force you to talk about gay sex. That would be rude. You wouldn't force me to talk about heterosexual sex. I just want people to take a little time to look at why homosexuality gives them the creeps. Or why they're ashamed of talking about it, period.

There is a lot that the world throws at us that is really terrible, from children dying of starvation to the despicable ways many use to oppress women. This should not be one of those things. There's enough oppression and mistreatment handed out every day, all around us. I understand the fear that many parents have that their children, if they come out about being "gay," will be tormented, hurt, and abused. Those fears aren't illegitimate. But I believe that you have to be the change you wish to see in the world. You have to have the conviction that what you live for is worthwhile, and that every day, even if it's an immense battle, you stand for justice, and the dignity of all.

Most of us don't go out every day shouting about the things we believe in. If your child comes out that he or she may be gay, they won't suddenly get a giant "G" emblazoned on their forehead.  People who go around looking for fights, who shove their ideology into other people's faces, are annoying and intrusive, and no one listens to them in the long run anyway. But to treat other people with dignity and respect, and to uphold the right of someone to share a loving relationship, without fear of judgement or abuse - that has to be something you do no matter what. That's not something you go around shouting about - it's just something you make sure is protected.


I love and cherish many of my friends and family who may not agree with a lot of what I'm saying here. I'm not burning bridges, but I am saying that being uncomfortable with how someone has sex is not a valid reason to dismiss the entirety of a relationship.

In conclusion, I would just like to say, "It's okay, to be Takei.""